10 Things I Learned From Spring Breakers

Spring Breakers, the outrageous new vehicle from Harmony Korine (a guy in case you’re wondering — no really, it’s a guy; consult Google for more details), is a life-affirming, reflective, touching moving picture…

1. …And by touching, I mean all-hands-on-deck groping, tongues licking, breasts jiggling — or in other words, soft porn.

2. James Franco is flabbergastingly good. Seriously, this is the best acting he’s ever done. He’s a revelation, clearly revelling in every second of his character’s hedonistic, insane, hyper-criminal activity. He’s a man who’s worked hard (or is it hardly worked?) for his possessions, and he’s hell bent on illuminating the St. Petersburg night sky with all his shit. Earn hard, show hard playboy. What’s the point of having all that shit if you can’t demand that your guests look at it? Logic.

Alien Spring Breakers

3. The film has a hypnotic, dream-like air about it, heightened by Korine’s oddly transfixing decision to repeat several lines of dialogue back-to-back, underlining the nihilistic, memory-starved, drug-fuelled lifestyle it shines a light on. The cinematography and welding of certain frames together in a fluid, hazy manner is also extremely evocative, and at times, punishingly provocative.

4. The spectre of Britney Spears’ legacy, culturally and musically, looms large over the film, culminating in the best use of a Britney Spears ballad in the history of history.

5. I feel like I need an STI test after seeing this movie.

6. I’d forgotten how cool grills are. Since watching Spring Breakers, I’ve tricked out my upper teeth with platinum, and have an appointment next week to ice out my bottom ones with uncut rubies (my birthstone — holla Leo’s in the house!). I want to floss like Franco but I don’t want to physically floss anymore. I don’t have to with grills right?

Brit Brit Grillz Grillz

7. Skrillex and Cliff Martinez’s score suits the film perfectly. In particular, the opening scene marries sound and picture with anarchic aplomb.

8. There is absolutely and unequivocally no depth to any of the four lead female characters; by contrast, James Franco’s Alien is as layered and nuanced as Hamlet. Misogyny? Maybe. That or Franco’s just that good.

9. Spring Breakers shows us the best threesome between a human being and two inanimate objects ever, and no I’m not talking about Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson.

10. I’m extremely glad I never went to spring break…

Yet I can’t fathom an existence in which I didn’t experience Spring Breakers. Sprrang Brakke forever y’all.

Sprrang Brakkers

My Top 15 Songs of March 2013

March was absolutely loaded with fantastic music releases. So good, in fact, that I’ve had to expand this list’s belt buckle to accommodate the supersonic songs that were dropped in March. Here are my favourite songs of March, 2013…

Honourable mention:

Little Daylight  – Overdose

Phosphorescent – Song For Zula

Phoenix – Entertainment

Wildlife – Dangerous Times

Atlas Genius – If So

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Sacrilege

Young Galaxy – Fall For You

Pickwick Hotel – Hacienda

Puscifer – Breathe

How To Destroy Angels – Too Late, All Gone/How Long


15. Kisses – The Hardest Part

Fresh, summery, potent.


14. Plumb – Say Your Name

Pure pop and pure exultation to the altar of melody.


13. Alabama Shakes – Always Alright

A really, really, really good tune on record. Live, as seen/heard below, it jumps up several levels; a hypnotizing beast.


12. Emeli Sande – Next To Me

I’m extremely late to this party. I don’t care. “Next To Me” is a wonderful pop tune, lyrically, musically, vocally.


11. Purity Ring – Grammy

A Soulja Boy cover. And it’s bloody brilliant. Better than the original.


10. The Postal Service – A Tattered Line Of String

Welcome back boys. An elevating, elastic earworm.


9. Youth Lagoon – Mute

A slow-motion merry-go-round of a song. It’s 6 minutes, but when I listen to it, I feel like I’m lost in it for hours.


8. Wavves – Demon To Lean On

Wavves are back with hooks piled sky high. Outlandishly catchy. They’re on to something big here.


7. Surfer Blood – Demon Dance

I dedicated March to demons and loved every second of it. Hot seat, cool breeze.


6. Daft Punk – The Robot Makes It Get Funky

In a month of supernova releases, it took Daft Punk all of 15 seconds to find themselves (high up) on this list. 15 seconds. I shouldn’t have expected anything less from the Teachers. Imagine if it were a full track? The robot makes it get funky — always.


5. We Are Wolves – Sun

Out of nowhere. “Sun” doesn’t sound like anything else, and that’s only part of what makes it so incredible. Hooks so plentiful you’d think it was Marc Jacobs’ closet. I hope this song finds the ears it deserves — it’s incredible.


4. Chvrches – Now Is Not The Time

One after another after another after another. Hit after hit after hit after hit. Yawn. Chvrches are doing pop like no one else, and they’re also doing it better than anyone else. Pop saves lives when it’s this good, it’s just so elusive to get to this point. What Chvrches have done thus far in their short but incredible career is not music-by-numbers, but music-by-magic, the hardest trick in the book to pull off. I’m flabbergasted, amazed, and preaching, part of the choir, already and vehemently, loyal to my Chvrch.


3. The Dream – Slow It Down

The Dream is an uber-successful producer. He’s written hits for so many. He smartly saved this massive hit for himself. The whole song is one entire hook. It’s hard for a song to get more pleasant to the ears, but when he says, “enough with the muthaf***ing dance songs, you gotta slow it down,” he’s criminal, vicious. Fabolous is also fantastic on his guest verse.


2. Biffy Clyro – The Thaw/Biblical

What a statement. I’d quite liked “Many of Horror” and “Bubbles” from Biffy Clyro’s last album, Only Revolutions, but hadn’t known much else from their catalogue. Things have changed. Their new (double) album, Opposites, has forced itself upon me with such relentless vigour. Biffy Clyro are a special band, and they’re going for the title belt with this record. The album is so good I could isolate at least 10 tracks worthy of praise, but I’ve listed the two that I’ve listened to most. “Biblical” is a fantastic single, and will play as part of encores in huge arenas. “The Thaw” is just as good, endlessly catchy and emotionally resonant. Scotland is on fire.


1. Justin Timberlake – Mirrors

The one song that stands above the rest on The 20/20 Experience. “Mirrors” is an aural epic, and it gets better with every listen. It’s the only outright “hit” on the album. It’s too bad that’s the case, but as a standalone track, it’s one of the best JT’s ever done.